Help For Grieving Parents: A Grief Support Network Perspective

“The Death Of A Child – The Grief Of The Parents: A Lifetime Journey”

An excerpt from an article on WWW.ATHEALTH.COM

“Expressing feelings in journals, poetry, prayers, or other reflective writings or in art, music, or other creative activities.”

Grief Hope Network recognizes that parental grief is unique and especially challenging. As part of our online grief support, we’d like to share some ideas for coping with grief from professionals and other parents who have walked in your shoes.

CLICK HERE to read the article, “The Death Of A Child – The Grief Of The Parents: A Lifetime Journey.”

How Grieving Parents Attempt To Cope With The Loss And Move On

Bereaved fathers and mothers try to cope with their grief by:

• Admitting to themselves and others that their grief is overwhelming, unpredictable, painful, draining, and exhausting-that their grief should not be diminished or ignored.
• Allowing themselves to be angry and acknowledging that they are vulnerable, helpless, and feeling disoriented.
• Trying to understand that to grieve is to heal and that integrating grief into their lives is a necessity.
• Acknowledging the need and desire to talk about the child who died as well as the moments and events that will be missed and never experienced with the child.
• Maintaining a belief in the significance of their child’s life, no matter how short.
• Creating memorial services and other rituals as ways to commemorate the child’s life.
• Deriving support from religious beliefs, a sense of spirituality, or a personal faith.
• Expressing feelings in journals, poetry, prayers, or other reflective writings or in art, music, or other creative activities.
• Trying to be patient and forgiving with themselves and others and refraining from making hasty decisions.

“When you accept what has happened, you aren’t acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living-even if you don’t feel like it…[Don’t let] grief be your constant companion…Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your child and rejoice in that love which will never end… Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal.” – WISCONSIN PERSPECTIVES NEWSLETTER, SPRING 1989, 3

• Counting on, confiding in, and trusting those who care, listen, and hear, those who will walk with them, and not be critical of them, those who will try to understand their emotional and physical limitations.
• Increasing their physical activity and maintaining a healthful diet.
• Volunteering their services to organizations concerned with support for bereaved parents.
• Obtaining help from traditional support systems, such as family, friends, professionals or church groups, undergoing professional counseling, joining a parent support group, or acquiring information on the type of death that occurred as well as about their own grief.**
• Reassuring themselves and others that they were and still are loving parents.
• Letting go of fear and guilt when the time seems right and the grief seems less.
• Accepting that they are allowed to feel pleasure and continue their lives, knowing their love for their child transcends death.

** Grief support groups are often available through area hospitals, churches, or local chapters of national organizations, such as State SIDS or SIDS Alliance programs or through support organizations, such as SHARE, Resolve Thru Sharing, Compassionate Friends, and others.

“When children die, the bond doesn’t break… [But] the parents face two mutually exclusive facts. The child is gone and not coming back, and the bond is…as powerful a bonding as people have in their abilities… [Bereaved parents attempt] to let go, not of the child, but of the pain.” – FINKBEINER 1996, 244, 249

At Grief Hope Network, we know that communication is key in the grief recovery process and value this recommendation from the article.

“Counting on, confiding in, and trusting those who care, listen, and hear, those who will walk with them, and not be critical of them, those who will try to understand their emotional and physical limitations.”

Many people don’t feel comfortable in sharing their feelings with people they don’t know in traditional counseling sessions. As part of your online grief support, you can reach out to other members and professionals at www.GriefHopeNetwork.com for Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.